Wanting to Be Sick

My son has had a flu this past week, and I've observed some characteristics that I have also noticed in adults (believe it or not, children are quite similar to adults. Ha. For some people, this will be a news flash).

Not while he was sick, but as he has been recovering, and gaining back his physical and mental strength, he's been showing extra emotion, making unreasonable demands, and whining for the things he wants rather than asking politely like he normally does.

Not only has he told me, "I still want to be sick," he's also been quite clear about the fact that he would prefer staying home, watching TV, and having people wait on him.

As a mom, I first questioned myself (for several days):

- "Am I doing the right things to make sure he gets healthy?"
- "Should I let him get his own water, or wait on him?"
- "Does it really make sense that he's eating all this toast. Does he internally know what's best for his body?"
Etc....Etc...The Etc.'s went on continuously.

It's become clear that he wants to stay sick, not to actually be sick, but to be cared for on a level that satisfies the human need for compassion, and seemingly his need to manipulate.

I can't lie and say that since he's been starting to feel better I've had an easy time being compassionate, what with his insincere willingness to feel better and his reluctant "please" and "thank you's." Compassion has been a struggle. Maybe part of this journey with him as my son has to do with my own compassionate growth.

This relates to adult behavior- I've noticed two correlations:

1. Adults too fall into patterns until the patterns are reprogrammed


Is this how some people can sit and watch TV for days? Maybe not. But, maybe!


2. Adults intrinsically want/need the extra compassion they receive when they're not feeling well

This is part of the reason that people update their status on facebook with the status of their health.
Is it a desire, or a need, to have people wanting to help you feel better? Perhaps it is a combination of both a desire and a need. They desire because they like the feeling of being cared for (fairly enough). They need because their needs for compassion are being met through the people surrounding them.

Tidbit: Nonviolent Communication people suggest that the reason people do anything

is because they are working to satisfy an unmet need.

I need to contemplate this idea further.

As a mother, one should question whether it is their duty to try and make their offspring feel better through purely physical avenues (medicine, food, drink, warmth), or whether the compassion-factor should play a role bigger than we are currently giving credit.

I've learned, through the process of my son being sick, that I will not do the same things next time. I will be more compassionate (easier said than done), and I will wait on him a little less, letting him take initiative to learn the importance of self-healing.

This is not to say that I will stop helping him in need, but I will recognize that it's not purely what I'm doing for him that is helping him to heal, but that it is also my compassion that is contributing to his healing.

The only thing I want when I am sick is my mom because I know she will take care of me. Maybe we're all just big kids who need the love of the people around us, whether we like to believe it or not.




Worthwhile Enough to Share

Eye-Contact vs. Flirting while Married

My name is Nadine and I am married.

I am married to a man who is committed to me, and who I am committed to in return.

I don't hit-on men. I don't intend to flirt. I do not want to be asked out on a date by any other man.

I have enough confidence in myself not to need the attention of another man (although being attractive to any person does feel nice, of course).

Is it an unwritten rule that, because of all of the above, I am not allowed to make eye contact with a man and smile? I smile often, and the best feeling for me is to make eye contact with another person and feel that feeling of connection- of real engagement with another human being- you know, on a soul level.

It doesn't matter to me if I am smiling at a man or at a woman. Heck, I definitely smile at women more often than I smile at men. Am I being flirtatious by making eye contact and smiling? Am i "inviting" men to think they can make a move of some sort?

The way I see it is that I am walking a fine line. If I don't want to appear inviting, then I should avoid eye contact all together. I cannot do that because if I do then I am not being fair to myself and I am not respecting my need for soul connection.

I don't enjoy fleeting eye contact. I don't like looking at someone's eyes and then moving my eyes quickly to another place. It feels wrong. I don't consider my wanting to engage as being uncommitted to my husband. I am not intending to be disrespectful, but for some reason I am accusing myself of being a flirt (in a negative sense).

My mom would say that I am not showing myself love by accusing myself of being anything but wonderful and perfect just the way I am. I think that my husband would say that as long as I'm not making moves on other men, or allowing them to make moves on me, that I am being just as respectful as I always have been.

I know it's not smart to base my opinions on what other people think about a situation, but it's important to me to work in harmony in my relationships, and I trust the opinions of my mother and my husband. I also trust my own opinion.

Still contemplating this. Will contemplate some more, I am certain.

Secret Starbucks Deal- Exciting!

You don't have to be rich to go to Starbucks every single day. You just have to make it work for you. I've calculated that (including taxes) you can drink brewed coffee at Starbucks for less than $1.07 each day. I've based the numbers on drinking there 5 days per week, for 52 weeks of the year, and I've used Canadian dollars.

If you're someone who is out and about as much as I am, or more, then this cost-savings will please you. Depending on what you order normally, this calculation could save you more than what I've calculated below, but what I've calculated are some pretty amazing figures.

1. The first trick is to load up a Starbucks card and register it at Starbucks. Once your card is registered, you will earn one star for every transaction that you make at Starbucks. Stipulation: if you buy more than one coffee in a single transaction, then it still only counts as one star earned.
   
2. Here's what you order every time you go to Starbucks:

A Short brewed coffee in a Tall cup
with 2 pumps of Hazelnut (or other delicious flavor included when you use your registered card)
Top it off with steamed Soy (also free with registered card), or if you don't like Soy, then just leave the space and add your own cream afterward (cream is free; not like at home when you have to buy it).

Normally, this drink would get you to close to $3.00. But with the registered card, it comes to $1.74 (taxes included). Because you registered your card, you've just earned yourself a star. Once you get to 15 stars, Starbucks mails you a Free Drink Certificate (for a drink of your choosing- doesn't need to be a brewed coffee).

If you don't register your card, and you buy a Short coffee Monday-Friday, for 52 weeks of the year, you will be paying Starbucks $452.40. Obviously that number is increasing depending on your drink choice. Quadruple it if you buy lattes. (Wow, some people spend $2000.00 at Starbucks in a year?)

By registering your card, ordering this drink, and making use of your Free Drink Certificates, you will only be spending $304.82 for the year.

WAIT! There's more below...

If you bring in your own mug/tumbler, you get an extra $0.10 off your purchase. Therefore, you will only spend $278.82 in the entire year, which comes to $1.07 per coffee.


You're only saving, in this case, $0.67 per coffee. But, if you look at that over an entire year, you're saving $173.58 (which is the equivalent to 162 coffees!!)


I think I've just blown my own mind.

New Relationship Status

Why do single people who find potential partners, and who begin relationships with those partners, not like to label their relationship as anything other than "friends" or "friends with benefits"?

People are ready to label everything in their lives (and everything in other people's lives). People label themselves funny, outgoing, shy, persistent, and yet they hold themselves back from love, or at least labeling love.

Maybe facebook is changing this with their "relationship status" function, but maybe that's not changing anything at all.

I think that the one and only way to find love is to first and foremost be willing to accept love and ready to label yourself as "in love." I don't care if it's true love or not. What's important is that you're able to open your heart enough to love, even with the possibility of getting hurt in the process.

I'm not saying you should fall in love with the first man/woman you encounter. I'm saying that if you're really wanting a relationship with someone, and they are showing that they want that with you, then you had better plunge in and be okay with being in love with them. And, most certainly change your facebook status!!

Generations X, Y and Baby Boomer

I am studying for a midterm on the Strategic Role of Human Resources Management (sounds like far less fun than it actually is). Here's what I'm supposed to regurgitate for the test:

Baby Boomers (born 1946-1964):

• Are driven to succeed
• Question authority
• Value personal achievement
• Are loyal and logical

Generation X (born 1965-1980):

• Make up 18% of Canadian population
• Will replace the Baby Boomers in the workplace
• Like flexible work arrangements
• Want to be valued NOW
• Don't necessarily believe in corporate loyalty
• Like to make decisions

Generation Y (born since 1980):

• Are also known as Echo Boomers
• Make up 23% of population
• Are entrepreneurial
• Are independent
• Don't want to be managed
• Are not trusting
• Have low levels of loyalty to their employer

My main source: The textbook "Management of Human Resources" by Gary Dessler et al.
If you love this kinda stuff, you can buy the text too: Buy Text

Do you Talk to Yourself?

I don't think this idea is revolutionary- and that in itself may be part of the problem.

While I was on the phone with my mother yesterday (most often when I have my grand epiphanies), we began discussing self-talk.

The way we talk to other people is not the same way we talk to ourselves, correct?
Or, is that only correct for a few people?

I asked my husband, "you know how you congratulate other people; our son, or the kids you coached...Do you congratulate yourself like that when you accomplish something worthwhile to you?"

He said, "no."

Okay, so that's 2 people out of the world's population who doesn't say, "good job Self! Well done out there today! You're working hard and you should be really proud of yourself. I know you will keep working hard and you will do even better the next time. Way to go champ!!"

Are you proud of you? I'm curious how many people actually do this kind of self-talk. Would love some response!

One and One Doesn't Equal Two

 “One and one does not always equal two.”

I think this statement is true of most things in life. Our perceptions tell us so little of a situation. We may think of multiple reasons for the way that something is, and it is very likely that none of our reasons resemble the truth whatsoever. Human brains are good guessing machines, but the truth does not seem to lay in what it is that we are seeing.

In the case of a couple conceiving a zygote, one mother plus one father equals three family members. One plus one, in this situation, does not equal two; it equals three. In cell generation, one cell, as it splits, equals infinite cells over a short period of time. One plus one almost never equals two, and almost always equals an infinite number, over a period of time.

Peculiar life is in how it cannot be grasped fully as one thing, how it passes through our ears and our fingers, past our eyes, and our bodies, and left are we with what? It is fleeting and yet it appears to be so real. For some people it is so very physical, and for some it is mind. 

My Nightmares

When given a series of moments (such as driving in silence for 20 minutes), I am awakened to my thought processes and I am awakened to the way that I can use the power I have over my thoughts to manipulate my reality.

This morning when I woke up, I thought back to the dream from which I had just awoken. For approximately one year, I have been experiencing nightmares almost nightly. Recently I have been enjoying my dreaming experience again- dreaming pleasantries. I relate this difference to the way that I fall asleep. 

Before, I resisted sleeping; I felt guilty to not be awake and doing things.  Now, I get excited to go to sleep. I get cozy, and my thoughts have shifted around the idea of staying awake to get more done in the day.

It’s true for me that the things I think about during the daytime also appear in my sleeping hours. When I was having nightmares, the things appearing were more subconscious thoughts that were dream-manifesting. But now that my dreams are pleasant, they are beautifully conscious manifestations.

Here is an example: Yesterday I was thoughtful and thankful, remembering the time that I had sent my mother a parcel filled with new clothes. She was so very happy to have received that gift. Later last night was when I fell asleep. My dream included my mother and I out together, happily shopping for clothing (something we have very rarely done together, but would both love to do).

What is THE Truth?

The idea of “truth” is what I find to be excruciating at times. Excruciating because no matter how much a person proves a point to be truth, the reality is that truth is a perception.

If millions of people believe that something is truth, and it starts to be taught in public institutions, and I start paying to learn about their truth, and I don’t believe that their truth is accurate, and I express my opinion on an exam, then I will do poorly in class.

If I choose “false” instead of “true” on a multiple choice, and the answer is indeed “true,” even if there are a hundred reasons to back up my position for "false", my paper will be graded poorly.

I decided not to take art class after grade 10, even though I spent nearly all of my free time drawing and painting. I could not get past the grade of “B” I had received on an art project that I had worked on and submitted proudly. How can a grade 10 art project be graded as a “B” instead of a “C” or instead of an “A?” It’s not as though I didn’t follow the rules. It’s not as though I slacked off. The grade is what I deserved, according to the truths of my art teacher (or at least to the people who paid him to grade in a prescribed manner). 


Is it THE truth that my project deserved the grade he gave me? Is it THE truth that I deserved a better grade than I received? Is it THE truth that artwork can not honestly be graded by anyone because it's all subjective anyhow?

Truth: what I've come to so far is that truth is whatever it is perceived to be by the person who is perceiving it.

The View from a Dream Bedroom

Even just for a weekend retreat. This view completes me in many moments like now.




Image source:
http://homedesignview.com
/luxury-bedrooms-with-beautiful
-panoramic-view-of-the-beach/
bedroom-view-of-the-ocean/

The New Human Need- Thrive or Survive?

We all need a number of things, as human beings, to survive. But what about the things we need in order to thrive? Thriving is different than surviving.

According to the Microsoft Word Dictionary, Thrive is defined as:

1. Grow well: to grow vigorously and healthily
2. Do well: to be successful and often profitable

I think it's safe to say that we all know what it means to Survive. But, here is the definition (again, from Microsoft Word Dictionary):

1. To remain alive or in existence or able to live or function, especially succeed in staying alive when faced with a life-threatening danger.

Do you want to Thrive or Survive? I truly think we all get the choice. We are faced with decisions at every single moment, of every single day, and we make choices. We choose to do the dishes or not do them. We choose to get up, or to stay sitting. And on and on and on...

We need only to ask ourselves what we want to do: Thrive or Survive? And then, what do those things mean to you? I am still trying to figure out what these things mean to me. I have been living in "Survival Mode", or something that has felt like that, for a long time.

I am not homeless, nor am I without food. I am not without water, although often I let myself go thirsty. I am making choices, and I am only now realizing that the choices I am making are determining whether I am moving forward, or allowing myself to merely sustain my existence.

More to come on this as I delve deeper into my semi-consciousness.

Evolution and Cooking Spray

Just now, as I was literally prying my recently baked granola bars from the glass pan that I cooked them in, the thought bombarded my mind "Why are you still wasting time trying to remove your baking from these dishes, when for your whole life you could have been using cooking spray..You know, like Pam or the other kind."

How many hours in my lifetime will I spend trying to remove baked goods from old pans? How many hours will I spend soaking the dishes, and then scrubbing those dishes? Is it worth my time?

This is not the first time I have considered using cooking sprays. Until now my reasons for not using it have been:

1. The packaging is bad for the environment
2. The oil is probably hydrogenated
3. It's probably made with chemicals and additives
4. It's a waste of money- I could just use margarine or cooking oil

Now, where I am with this decision has changed in these past 20 minutes because now I am considering TIME, whereas before tonight, my major motivation behind senseless prying, soaking, and scrubbing, was the environment, my health, and my pocketbook (what a cliche. Do you really think I carry a pocketbook? Does anyone even carry a pocketbook anymore?)

Yes, I have been thinking about my life lately- how long do I really have here on earth? What if these are my last few months and I am diagnosed with some rare form of cancer? I have never thought of these things before recent. Maybe it's because I am 27 now. One of my teachers told me that a person only begins to think long-term once they get to be 27. It sounds true to me.

So, back to the cooking spray. If this is boring to you, it will get worse. How do Evolution and Cooking Spray interrelate? Please remember that I have only just begun to think this through. Very honestly, it has been 30 minutes since the thought arrived in my consciousness.

HERE IT IS! My BIG idea. If people are unwilling to adopt a technology such as cooking spray, are they denying themselves a connection to evolution as we know it? We are a society whose understanding of life is gigantically dependent upon physical objects. We need food, homes, cutlery, dishes....

I can speak for only myself and the people I am surrounded by, when I say that the old norm of "food, clothing, shelter" as basic human necessities is OLD indeed. We don't just need those basic things to feel satisfied. We need more. Some people will argue that the 'need' is only a fictional need, and that what we truly need is within ourselves. If that is the case, then I simply cannot agree. How is it possible that I am happier with a closet full of beautiful clothes than I am with my basic necessities, if what makes people truly happy is found within? Please refrain from answering that question, because I have heard countless explanations, and none of them fit better than the one I am explaining to you- the one that makes me truly happy.

So back to Cooking Spray. If we do not adopt cooking spray, and we spend countless hours cleaning "baked on grease," we are limiting our ability to evolve. We are becoming less efficient individuals. The people using the cooking spray have more time to self reflect. They have more time to put their energies to better things than cleaning.

Environmental damage due to aerosol is likely, but debatable. Health effects from chemicals are extremely unknown. We're living longer than ever before (as far as we think). Is a $10 can of cooking spray worth my time?

It's an unfortunate stress that a person must face, when making a decision in today's world. Will my decision impact the environment (most will). Will I be hurting my body (have you see the grocery store and our food practices?) Will I be hurting my family by choosing chemicals over natural (possibly, but it's equally as likely that the air we breathe is just as polluted as the foods we eat). Is it worth my money (what money? We pay for everything with pieces of plastic- better yet, pieces of paper and metal that are nearly extinct).

So, let me ask myself again, "are you willing to fall behind in the evolution of our human species just because you're too cheap to buy a can of aerosol cooking spray?"

Why I Like Groupon

Local Business

I am most definitely a fan of Groupon (as you can tell by the giant advertisement on this blog's home page). I like Groupon because local businesses do well with it. As a consumer, I like to make local choices as much as I can. Sometimes buying local is just too costly though. I will admit that I walk into WalMart on occasion to find a deal. It's not that I prefer to buy cheap- I have a family to think of. We buy a lot of milk, for example. Milk is about $100 less expensive at WalMart, per year, than it is for us to buy it at a local grocery store. A young family can do a lot with $100 extra per year. But Groupon supports local, and I appreciate that about them.

Online Purchasing

What is more convenient than clicking a button these days? Well, telepathy. Yes, that is true. But, realistically, we're in a digital age. Groupon is online, and I appreciate that about them.

SUPER DUPER FANTASTIC Deals

Groupon doesn't just say that they have good deals- they actually have good deals. Damn good deals, pardon my language. Honestly, where else are you going to get 45 dollars worth of anything for 20 dollars?

Environmentally Friendly

You don't have to print your coupon with Groupon. You can show the digital coupon on your iPhone or BlackBerry...Or whatever the kids are using these days to show their digital Groupons. They're technologically advanced, and I like that about them.

Anyone Can Earn Money

Once you're a free member, you get a referral link that you share. You earn $10 when someone clicks on your link and buys a Groupon (within 72 hours of becoming a member, I think is their rule). Either way, sweet deal.

So, that's why I like Groupon.

Inspirational talk by Christopher McDougall: Are We Born to Run?

Delicious Granola Bar Recipe c/o Nadine Staaf

1/3 Cup Butter
1/2 cup Brown Sugar
1/3 Cup Corn Syrup or Honey

1.5 Cups Rolled Oats (or Quick)
1/2 Cup Hemp Seed Hearts
2/3 Cup Walnut Crumbs
1/4 Cup Whole Wheat Flour
1 tsp Cinnamon

1 egg
1 tsp Vanilla

Bring first 3 ingredients together, to a boil in a small saucepan. Take off heat.
Mix all other ingredients in a bowl and mix together with warm mixture.
Pour into a greased dish/pan. Bake for 24 minutes in preheated 350F (180c) oven.
Let cool 15 minutes in dish, and then cut into pieces. Let cool fully before freezing/tupperware-ing.

And then love them to pieces!

The Autism Cookbook: Very Interesting indeed

I love that there's such a thing as an Autism Cookbook. It just goes to show that people can help to heal themselves. Sometimes it takes a bit of guidance, and a lot of learning though. I do not have an autistic child (although his tantrums can make me think I do). I realize it's not a laughing matter to have a child who is suffering, and I realize because I am a mother myself, that you would want to do everything in your power to make things better for yourself, and for your child.

It takes the mother/parent/guardian, to help to shape the world for a young being. The idea of autism is scary, and from my point of view in seeing how home remedies and foods can help cure disease, I recommend parents with autistic children become educated on the benefits of healthy food for their children, whether they are autistic or not. If you suggest a better book than the one I found below, please comment. I would love to know about it.

Virgin Galactic Taking Us All to Space :)

I love that traveling to space is an option. The future is NOW :)

Foster The People- Song called "Pumped Up Kicks" ... I love it!

Listen to 3 of their full songs here: http://www.fosterthepeople.com/music/

Juice from Bliss Cafe with a Good Friend Makes Me Happy :)

Discovered Cafe Bliss for the first time today. The atmosphere was excellent, and the juice was delicious! They even have heart-shaped raw chocolate. mmmm...556 Pandora, Victoria, BC.

http://www.cafebliss.ca/menu.htm

My Version of the Poutine

With the Boivin Fromage from Quebec, I made my own version of the Poutine. It's hashbrowns cooked with Dill, Seasoning Salt, Garlic Powder, Onion Powder, and Pepper. After the hashbrowns were cooked, I topped them (in the pan) with chopped Spinach and the Boivin Fromage, and then drizzled with Ranch Dressing. Scrumptious! http://fromagerieboivin.com/

Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability | Video on TED.com

This video is a good reminder. It made me feel happy to watch it :)

What about when you're not feeling good?

Earlier tonight, I was physically not feeling well. I decided to lay down on the couch and rest. Almost as soon as I did, my husband & four year-old son made a beeline to our son's bedroom where they got all of his blankets and pillow and brought them back for me to be cozy. It made my heart warm and, in turn, my body began to heal. Within 20 minutes, I was better again! Life is grand, even when it may not seem that way in the beginning :)

Nike App for iPod/iPhone makes me Happy :)

 

I love that this App exists. It gives examples of everything, and has so many workouts! Thank you, Nike! Bonus...It's Free!

Fast Email Replies make me happy :)

Tonight I am having a hard time coming up with something that makes me feel happy. My day was very happy, and I spent time with hundreds of people. Walking through the halls as school makes me appreciate these people, many of whom I will probably never meet.

So, it's a small thing, but what makes me happy, on a daily basis, is when I receive a quick email response. Equally as happy do I feel when I am able to produce a quick, yet meaningful, email response. Often I have something taking priority, when I check my email, so I very briefly read through everything in my inbox, and then I hope I will be online again soon to respond. Some emails even get pushed on to another day completely. Shame on me ;) On that note, I will make this post brief. Happy Night to you!

Boivin Fromage from Quebec makes me happy :)

It's been years since I spent time in Quebec. When my new friend from school told me that she would be going back home to Quebec, she offered to pick me up some special Poutine cheese (you know, the squeaky kind). She brought it to me today and I feel so blessed. Thank you Kathleen! When I make it, I promise to post pictures of the Poutine!! http://fromagerieboivin.com/

Mom's Russian Chicken Recipe Makes me Happy :)

Courtesy of ma mere. Thank you and I love you.

Use 8 pieces of chicken (either 2 breasts cut up, 8 drumsticks, or 8 skinned thighs).

Mix together to make a sauce:

1 package onion soup mix
1/2 cup peach or apricot jam
1/2 cup Kraft Russian dressing, or other brand or no name. Make it Russian!
1/4 cup water

Place the chicken in a baking dish. Pour the sauce over the chicken. Cover loosely with foil and bake at 325 C for one hour. Remove foil and bake for another 20 minutes. Enjoy!

My Hemp Seed Walnut Banana Loaf Recipe makes me HAPPY

Preheat oven at 325 F (160 C)
Use a 2L glass or metal loaf pan, greased

1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
1 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
1/4 cup hemp seed hearts (or other chopped nuts)

2 eggs
2 ripe bananas mashed (3 if your bananas are really small)
1/3 cup olive oil or vegetable oil
1/3 cup honey
1/4 cup brown sugar

In a medium bowl, mix dry ingredients. In a bigger bowl, beat eggs, mash in bananas, and stir in oil, honey and brown sugar. Stir the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients until combined, but don't mix too long. Pour the mixture into the greased loaf pan and cook for at least 1 hour. Ovens vary, so check
at 1 hour with a chop stick, tooth pick or other long poky thing. If the stick comes out clean, it's done.
Take out of oven and let cool in pan for 20 minutes before removing onto a cooling rack of some sort.

Bon appetit!