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Thursday, March 1, 2012

Eye-Contact vs. Flirting while Married

My name is Nadine and I am married.
I am married to a man who is committed to me, and who I am committed to in return.
I don't hit-on men. I don't intend to flirt. I do not want to be asked out on a date by any other man.

I have enough confidence in myself not to need the attention of another man (although being attractive to any person does feel nice, of course).

Is it an unwritten rule that, because of all of the above, I am not allowed to make eye contact with a man and smile? I smile often, and the best feeling for me is to make eye contact with another person and feel that feeling of connection- of real engagement with another human being- you know, on a soul level.

It doesn't matter to me if I am smiling at a man or at a woman. Heck, I definitely smile at women more often than I smile at men. Am I being flirtatious by making eye contact and smiling? Am i "inviting" men to think they can make a move of some sort?

The way I see it is that I am walking a fine line. If I don't want to appear inviting, then I should avoid eye contact all together. I cannot do that because if I do then I am not being fair to myself and I am not respecting my need for soul connection.

I don't enjoy fleeting eye contact. I don't like looking at someone's eyes and then moving my eyes quickly to another place. It feels wrong. I don't consider my wanting to engage as being uncommitted to my husband. I am not intending to be disrespectful, but for some reason I am accusing myself of being a flirt (in a negative sense).

My mom would say that I am not showing myself love by accusing myself of being anything but wonderful and perfect just the way I am. I think that my husband would say that as long as I'm not making moves on other men, or allowing them to make moves on me, that I am being just as respectful as I always have been.

I know it's not smart to base my opinions on what other people think about a situation, but it's important to me to work in harmony in my relationships, and I trust the opinions of my mother and my husband. I also trust my own opinion.

Still contemplating this. Will contemplate some more, I am certain.

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